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ChatBot Does Who's On First With You As Abbott

Rohan Brown • Nov 09, 2023

ChatBot "Does Who's On First"

"Who's on First?" is a classic comedy sketch by Abbott and Costello.


Here's the transcript for the sketch:

[It doesn't align with the video, perhaps that's a task for another distraction moment.]


Abbott: Well Costello, I'm going to New York with you. You know Bucky Harris, the Yankee's manager, gave me a job as coach for as long as you're on the team.


Costello: Look Abbott, if you're the coach, you must know all the players.


Abbott: I certainly do.


Costello: Well you know I've never met the guys. So you'll have to tell me their names, and then I'll know who's playing on the team.


Abbott: Oh, I'll tell you their names, but you know it seems to me they give these ballplayers now-a-days very peculiar names.


Costello: You mean funny names?


Abbott: Strange names, pet names... like Dizzy Dean... and his brother Daffy.

Costello: Dizzy Dean and Daffy Dean...


Abbott: That's right.


Costello: They were polite enough, but even if that Daffy had sense enough to say 'Hello,' Dizzy didn't.


Abbott: That's right.


Costello: Now, we have on the St. Louis team, we have Who's on first, What's on second, I Don't Know is on third...


Abbott: That's what I want to find out.


Costello: I say Who's on first, What's on second, I Don't Know's on third.


START CHATTING WITH THE BOT HERE


Abbott: Are you the manager?

Costello: Yes.


Abbott: You gonna be the coach too?

Costello: Yes.


Abbott: And you don't know the fellows' names?

Costello: Well I should.


Abbott: Well then who's on first?

Costello: Yes.


Abbott: I mean the fellow's name.

Costello: Who.


Abbott: The guy on first.

Costello: Who.


Abbott: The first baseman.

Costello: Who.


Abbott: The guy playing first.

Costello: Who.


Abbott: The first baseman.

Costello: Who!


Abbott: The guy on first!

Costello: Who is on first!


Abbott: Well, what are you asking me for?

Costello: I'm not asking you, I'm telling you. Who is on first.


Abbott: I'm asking you, who's on first?

Costello: That's the man's name.


Abbott: That's whose name?

Costello: Yes.


Abbott: Well go ahead and tell me.

Costello: Who.


Abbott: The guy on first.

Costello: Who.


Abbott: The first baseman.

Costello: Who.


Abbott: The guy playing first base.

Costello: Who is on first!


Abbott: I'm asking you.

Costello: And that's the name of the first baseman.


Abbott: That's whose name?

Costello: Yes.


Abbott: Well go ahead and tell me.

Costello: Who.


Abbott: The guy on first.

Costello: Who.


Abbott: The first baseman.

Costello: Who.


Abbott: The guy playing first base.

Costello: Who is on first!


Abbott: I'm asking you.

Costello: That's the man's name.


Abbott: That's whose name?

Costello: Yes.


Abbott: Well go ahead and tell me.

Costello: Who.


Abbott: The guy on first.

Costello: Who.


Abbott: The first baseman.

Costello: Who.


Abbott: The guy playing first base.

Costello: Who is on first!


Abbott: I'm asking you.

Costello: That's the man's name.


Abbott: That's whose name?

Costello: Yes.


Abbott: Well go ahead and tell me.

Costello: Who.


Abbott: The guy on first.

Costello: Who.


Abbott: The first baseman.

Costello: Who.


Abbott: The guy playing first base.

Costello: Who is on first!


Abbott: I'm asking you.

Costello: That's the man's name.


Abbott: That's whose name?

Costello: Yes.


Abbott: Well go ahead and tell me.

Costello: Who.


Abbott: The guy on first.

Costello: Who.


Abbott: The first baseman.

Costello: Who.


Abbott: The guy playing first base.

Costello: Who is on first!


Abbott: I'm asking you.

Costello: That's the man's name.


Abbott: That's whose name?

Costello: Yes.


Abbott: Well go ahead and tell me.

Costello: Who.


Abbott: The guy on first.

Costello: Who.


Abbott: The first baseman.

Costello: Who.


Abbott: The guy playing first base.

Costello: Who is on first!


Abbott: I'm asking you.

Costello: That's the man's name.


Abbott: That's whose name?

Costello: Yes.


Abbott: Well go ahead and tell me.

Costello: Who.


Abbott: The guy on first.

Costello: Who.


Abbott: The first baseman.

Costello: Who.


Abbott: The guy playing first base.

Costello: Who is on first!


Abbott: I'm asking you.

Costello: That's the man's name.


Abbott: That's whose name?

Costello: Yes.


Abbott: Well go ahead and tell me.

Costello: Who.


Abbott: The guy on first.

Costello: Who.


Abbott: The first baseman.

Costello: Who.


Abbott: The guy playing first base.

Costello: Who is on first!


Abbott: I'm asking you.

Costello: That's the man's name.


Abbott: That's whose name?

Costello: Yes.


Abbott: Well go ahead and tell me.

Costello: Who.


Abbott: The guy on first.

Costello: Who.


Abbott: The first baseman.

Costello: Who.


Abbott: The guy playing first base.

Costello: Who is on first!


Abbott: I'm asking you.

Costello: That's the man's name.


Abbott: That's whose name?

Costello: Yes.



Abbott: Well go ahead and tell me.

Costello: Who.


Abbott: The guy on first.

Costello: Who.


Abbott: The first baseman.

Costello: Who.


Abbott: The guy playing first base.

Costello: Who is on first!


Abbott: I'm asking YOU who's on first.

Costello: That's the man's name.


Abbott: That's whose name?

Costello: Yes.


Abbott: When you pay off the first baseman every month, who gets the money?

Costello: Every dollar of it. And why not? The man's entitled to it.

Abbott: Who is?

Costello: Yes.


Abbott: So, who gets it?

Costello: Why shouldn't he? Sometimes his wife comes down and collects it.


Abbott: Whose wife?

Costello: Yes.


Abbott: All I'm trying to find out is what's the guy's name on first base?

Costello: Oh, no, no. What is on second base.


Abbott: I'm not asking you who's on second.

Costello: Who's on first.


Abbott: St. Louis has a good outfield?

Costello: Oh, absolutely.


Abbott: The left fielder's name?

Costello: Why.


Abbott: I don't know, I just thought I'd ask.

Costello: Well, I just thought I'd tell you.


Abbott: Then tell me who's playing left field?

Costello: Who's playing first.


Abbott: Stay out of the infield! The left fielder's name?

Costello: The left fielder's name?


Abbott: Yes.

Costello: Why.


Abbott: Because!

Costello: Oh, he's center field.


Abbott: Wait a minute. You got a pitcher on this team?

Costello: Wouldn't this be a fine team without a pitcher?


Abbott: Tell me the pitcher's name.

Costello: Tomorrow.


Abbott: You don't want to tell me today?

Costello: I'm telling you now.


Abbott: Then go ahead.

Costello: Tomorrow.


Abbott: What time?

Costello: What time what?


Abbott: What time tomorrow are you going to tell me who's pitching?

Costello: Now listen. Who is not pitching...


Abbott: Who is on first!

Costello: I'm asking you who's on first.


Abbott: That's the man's name.

Costello: That's whose name?


Abbott: Yes.

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